How motherhood revealed my undiagnosed ADHD
Just about everyone has heard of baby brain: You make careless mistakes, lose things, zone out, forget a LOT during and after pregnancy. After I had my daughter I blamed everything on baby brain. After some time has passed, I noticed that the symptoms weren’t going away and they started to progressively get worse. Worse to the point where I would need to repurchase things over and over again, I would miss huge deadlines, I had terrible sleep because my mind was always busy, and much more. I knew something was off and that’s when I went digging. Before I go into that I’ll start from the beginning.
I was always a bit spacey on things and a bit messy ever since I was young. However, my hypervigilance and anxiety to make sure everything worked out kept my unorganized tendencies in check. For instance, I would make sure I would leave very early to arrive to my destination on time because if I didn’t allow myself that huge space of wiggle room I would inevitably get caught up in a task and lose track of time. Before leaving my car or house, I would double-triple-quadruple check if I locked the doors. My anxiety was the driving force that got things done and all the little systems I had in place kept me functioning until I had my baby. Also, my brain was NEVER quiet, I mean never quiet. There were millions of thoughts and songs going all at once. I would sometimes speak and not realize that I jumped ahead in the conversation not realizing that I didn’t say the previous part to tie everything together. I laugh when I think about how my husband asked me how I seem so cool and collected, I would always say: “If you only knew, inside my head I’m screaming all the time and I think of a Part A-Z for every scenario.” I was super hyperactive as a toddler/preschooler but my hyperactivity started to internalize when I turned school age. I’m also not the most organized person. My backpack, desks, and lockers in school were so messy and at home I just threw everything in boxes to give the illusion of tidiness.
“My anxiety was the driving force that got things done and all the little systems I had in place kept me functioning, until I had my baby.”
After having a baby, it was as if all the systems were thrown out the window and I was a floundering mess. I made jokes about it with my other mom friend but I noticed they didn’t face the same struggle that I was dealing with. I started to go down the google rabbit hole and as I began to dig; I came across articles about undiagnosed adhd in motherhood and online videos of adhd content creators. My tiktok FYP popped up with adhd videos and everything just started to make sense. I read into the science of this all and found out that when estrogen levels are low you will see worsening adhd symptoms. This can be right before your period. AFTER PREGNANCY, and menopause. I knew I had to do something because my executive dysfunction was really getting out of hand.
I did a lot of research and wrote down all my symptoms and examples throughout my life. I took my concerns to my PCP and she knew I was complaining of brain fog since I had my baby. She heard my concerns and gave me a referral to a psychiatrist. Shortly after I had my first intake assessment I was officially diagnosed with ADHD-combined type. He started me on medications and it has made such a difference in my life.However, ADHD medication isn’t a magic pill and I’ve had to put in work with really changing how I organize my life. I’m not perfect but my symptoms are much more manageable and it has helped me gain self confidence. I didn’t realize the impact that undiagnosed ADHD had on my self esteem.
A lot of us women elder millennials (lol) we’re missed. We were able to mask and compensate for our symptoms for most of our lives. If you have any concerns and think it’s something more don’t be afraid to dig in and speak with your health care provider about your concerns so that you can get an assessment and possible treatment.